nathalie shushan

I am fascinated by the different versions of our selves that emerge in response to our environments or relationships. When I was 15, my family spent the summer in Israel. It was a beautiful time that came to be one of the most formative experiences of my life. I opened my heart fully to family I’d never known before, and I recognized the magic in easy connection for the first time. It required a kind of courage that I didn’t know existed within me. That summer meant smooth legs and dark skin and love far beyond comprehension. We watched sunsets and swam in saltwater where rocks broke our skin, returning home sandy and tired and deeply content. No longer tied down by the restraints of having to impress this boy and that girl, I needed nothing more than I had for the first time in my life.  “I’m on vacation,” I whispered one afternoon, “from caring about what people think.” Israel unlocked a part of myself I’d never known before and by whom I was enchanted. 

In the years that followed, I held the version of myself that existed on the shores of Bat Yam close to my heart and learned that you can actively embody the character traits that you admire within yourself. I was not the same girl, of course, but I learned ways to call her back – through memories, cups of fresh mint tea, certain songs and a nearness to the sea.

Five years later, I went to study in Paris. Once again, I fell deeply in love and noticed how that love changed me. I felt self-assured, wildly capable and deserving of the love that the city offered me in return for my affection. When you search for beauty in every corner, the wonders of a city unlock for you. I stood up straighter, boldly chased my curiosities, took new pride in getting dressed every morning. For the second time in my life, I noticed a radical shift in my being.

I held those two versions in my heart alongside one another with the understanding that we can be profoundly affected by our surroundings. I wondered how each one could feel so authentic to my essence (I just felt at home in myself both times) and be so dramatically different from one another (almost diametrically opposed). Until that point in my life, I had never wanted to know myself deeply. I was afraid to learn that I was broken or inherently unlovable but, when you come into contact with parts of yourself toward which you feel a loving kindness, you become brave enough to search for more. When I had the opportunity later to move to California, I was overwhelmed by the desire to see which version of myself would emerge in the sunshine along the coast. In yet another new place, I conducted a conscious study of my own contentment.

If you try, you can distill the events of your life into a series of learning experiences that teach you how to become your best version (the happiest, most fulfilled, most inspired, most compelled to love). Each one offers an opportunity to meet yourself anew. To notice these shifts requires diligence, self-awareness and a willingness to listen to the wisdom around you.

After moving from city to city, I realize it’s not the place that changes you. It’s the love you feel and an openness of heart that holds a mirror up for you and invites you to look at yourself more closely, to recognize the different beauties that exist within you.